People Matter

I was watching Grey's Anatomy yesterday and thrs a phrase that keeps swimming round my mind : People matter. I din hv time to post anyting last nite cos i went out mamak-ing til like 12.30 am. Ppl thr : Charlotte, Carol, Jules, Drea & Harvind. ( yea i knw, harvind onli guy..AGAIN!) Anyway, it was a pretty good session. We were laughing and being crazy cos high on sugar ( for me it was teh o ais limau). Anyway, suddenly in d midst of it all, i just looked round me and felt this pang in my heart. In bout a mth and a half's time i will be leaving all of em behind. Sure, its exciting and evryting, meeting new ppl. but still..the ppl here, my ppl..im so gonna miss em. The people in ur life, matter. They help u in such subtle ways dat u dun even knw wen they're doin it. Eva has been bz with coll life, and usually wen she's free, im not. slowly..we start drifting away and sumtimes it gets awkward. dat sux cos, if dts gonna happen while we're stil in d same country..hows it gonna b wen we r miles n miles apart?.. My sis had been sulking recently cos im leaving b4 her b'day (27th Aug). We've been getting closer n closer this yr n its tuff 4 her 2 imagine sleeping alone in d room (we've shared a room since bout 4 yrs ago). Nthn matter more to me than the ppl round me. So, big thx to all u guys n gals out thr who've each added sum colour in my otherwise bland life. *I think i'm in a vry emo phase of my life rite now..all my posts so depressing..* Today I'm craving : Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream ! ( Can u sense the calories involved?! )

Flashing Red !

Okay .. i hv so far nvr explained y i chose certain backgrounds for my post. However, i feel d nid 2 explain this one. The brick wall is supposed to represent my muka tembok-ness. Today, i wore a super-like-hot-flashin u in d eye-red panty. I wore a simple t-shirt and grey shorts. Now, d reason im telling evryone this is bcos, probably half of bdr sri d'sara already knws all of dis. I went out 2 buy sum groceries n stuf..walked up down from Berry's (bakery) to Grand Union ( Supermarket ) den to Guardian ( Pharmacy ). I got home, n juz b4 i sat on d couch my mom said : Min ah, u wore those shorts out juz now ah? So i was like : yea...y? Mom : Thrs a hole in em. I was like...wat?!..so i checked n sure enuf, sumting like a hanger or sumting muz have ripped it, cos d hole is rite on top of d left butt-cheek and my red underwear was paraded up n down 4 at least half an hour dis morning. Sigh..so u c..if im not muka tembok a bit..how 2 survive?..lotsa ppl knw me in BSD..im not being perasan or anything..its juz a fact.. Oh yea..n 2day..i tel u ..this white myvi almost rammed in2 my metallic green wira. Those living in BSD..u knw d junction from LDP u go up d hill. At d traffic lite u turn left is Shell and Jalan Ara. Turn rite u go 2 Kenanga and d BSD club rite?i turn rite..n cos u can go straight from ara side 2 kenanga side w/o stopping at d traffic lite..thrs a double line on d road. This psycho car, crossed d double line in2 d 2nd lane(my lane) and went 2 d 3rd most rite lane..!Crazy rite?..my bro like din breathe for 2 secs cos he saw d car miss us by centimetres k? Freakin cms!! d double line is thr 4 a reason la!! Okay, besides being bout me...kong kong is able to walk w/o a walking frame d!!..well, yea he has 2 hold mom's hand 4 support..but its a totally positive improvement rite!?!

Newayz its gettin kinda late d..so i better hit d sack..thx 2 u guys who bothered 2 read this new blog of mine. A grand total of 9 ppl, so far ! =P

Im humbled by all of ur interests!

oh yea, im adding a wat im craving part 2 d end of my posts. juz 4 fun..pls pls check out my cravings a few days b4 d 4th of Feb 2008 k? So, u'll knw wat 2 get my 4 my 19th! Haha..

Today I'm craving : The song Candyman - Christina Aguilera. ( If u hv it , i wan it ! )

Don’t Know, Don’t Speak.

Is anyone out there completely non-judgmental? I don’t think so. I think no matter how much we want to give ppl the benefit of the doubt .. Deep down we already have some conceptions as to how and why ppl do or say certain tings. As it has been, a long standing tradition during mamak sessions with frens, we will took about sch ( well, now coll life ), latest music and movies and then the juicy sordid details of who did wat, whr, wen and why. Recently it has mainly been about 2 ppl, who I shall not name. Needless to say, I’m not really on good terms with either of these 2. Most of my frens don’t realise this, but wen they star verbally bashing these 2, I clam up and juz occasionally flash a tight smile. This is becos, I used to be quite close with one of em. I looked out for that person and was concerned of that person’s where abouts and well being. Though, since we now no longer speak, I guess my concern was not appreciated. True, I don’t say much or throw in insults after evry ‘story’, does it make me a better person? Almost nobody likes those 2, but does it give anyone the right to talk bout them? I’m a little confused, about how I feel. I know I shld stop ppl frm talking bout those 2, but at the same time it gives me a certain satisfaction hearing about the diff ppl who have come to hate them. I knw, I sound like a horrible, terrible witch. But, honestly, dats how I feel. On Monday, Jared asked my out to One Utama this Friday. I said I cld go, den he asked me if I’ve seen ‘the-person-I-had-a-falling-out-with’. So, I had to tell him we weren’t speaking and dat if we all went out as a group, well, it wld be unpleasant to put it lightly. He den asked me to try talking and approaching that person, so we cld patch up. I muz admit, I kinda lost it den. I did try. I complimented that person on a job well done even though, that person had not said one word to me in weeks, and I got shot down. I keep getting bashed on that person’s blog and hear rumours that ‘said-person’ had been talking about me to other people who I hve nvr even met! So, I just wanna clear this, so that innocent ppl like Jared don’t get their heads bitten off by me : I gave it my very best and tried to work things out. Its been 6 mths, and we’ve still not spoken to each other. So, if you have any advice on how to patch things up btwn 2 ppl who’ve had a falling out, all I’ll say is this. You can take that advice and pass it on to others, becos its not needed here. Leave that matter alone. Jangan ungkitkan lagi benda tu, cos I tak minat nak ckp atau fikir pasal tu lagi. Faham?.. To all those well meaning ppl out thr, I apologize if I seem crabby. If you are trying to bring together two ppl and make them frens again, I suggest you stop it and leave them alone. True frens will be able to work tings out on their own any all ur fussing over them won’t help. In the end, if they don’t speak to each other ever again, either their friendship was bullshit or one of them did sumting reli reli bad. If you Don’t Know wat’s wrong, Don’t Speak your mind bout it. 1.55 AM, June 26 2007. ( Wed )

Mayans vs. Us ..

I saw Apocalypto today. It’s that Mel Gibson movie about the Mayans. it’s a well known fact that I cant stand blood and gore. Therefore, if you’re like me…I suggest you not watch it. However, if you are really interested in history or anthropology, then watch it. I hav found a balance btwn the two.. I’ve watched half of it .. Haha =) . It is archeologically and historically correct, the acting and cinematography is pretty good and the violence does give it a realistic feel of how primitive it was back then. There is a lot of nudity, which takes sum time for you 2 get used to. But once the story starts picking up, you hardly notive that at all, because theres so much stuf goin on, onscreen that it just is not significant anymore cos you’re concentrating so hard on the story. The movie addresses things like pride and honour, paganism, survival of the fittest and love. In the beginning, thr’s this really horrible scene whr the main character ( Jaguar Paw ) ‘s father is forced to stand up and has his throat slit by a member of the raiding tribe. There was no fear in the older man’s eyes and he said, “My Son” before he dies so he could look into his son’s eyes one last time. As warriors, they belive that they most be proud even till their last moment and not show fear. Paganism is a main theme in this movie, whr the men of Jaguar Paw’s village are brought to be sacrificed to appease ‘The Gods’. The fittest tribe captures the men from weaker tribes and bring them to their death, which shows a Predator vs. Prey kinda scenario. The love Jaguar Paw has for his pregnant wife and son is also very touching. He tries his vry best to save them even while a man is charging at him, trying to kill him. I would say this is a film you have to watch at least once. Yes, it will shock you and give you nightmares for a few days. But, when you see the scenes of children being killed and women being raped, you cant help but think that all this is still goin on now. We are more intelligent, supposed to be more evolved . However, these tragic things are still happening today. Is the world backtracking? Instead of becoming more civilized, are we becoming barbaric and primitive?? Let me know if you are involved in anything that addresses the issue of violence towards women and children. I would love to be more active in fighting this plague of violence. To all reading this, thanks for taking your time to hear my views and opinions. June 25 2007, Tuesday

Just A Thot ? …

Here’s an interesting statement that I read sum whr, sum time ago : “If I think, therefore I am. Am I just a thought?” You always hear, “Put your mind to it!”, “Imagine yourself succeeding and you will one day!”, “ Believe in yourself. If you think you can do it, you can!”. You’ve probably heard variations of those 3 sentences, but even though lotsa ppl say it, it doesn’t make it true. I don’t like to think of myself as arrogant .. just confident ( you’re probably thinking all arrogant ppl say dat =P ). I always thot I was a pretty good writer. I thot I had a pretty excellent standard of English. I thot I was creative, witty and destined for literary greatness. You might realize I used ‘was’.. past tense. I wrote an article and sent it in to The Star last nite, quite confident that I did a good job on it ( it took me 4 hours to complete ). Today I opened up the paper and read an article about the same subject I had written about. I can honestly tell you now, I feel my work was really mediocre and juvenile. After 4 hours, what I came up with was not half as inspiring or engaging as what I had read. So really .. Is the fact that I’m a good writer just a thot? Me wrapped up in my own little world? I know dat sumtimes I can get really long winded and drone on and on .. But I also believe that I do have a pretty good sense of humour. Maybe all this while I’ve been duping myself into thinking that I’m good enuf, and am in fact below par. So, instead of wallowing in self pity, I have decided to improve myself. Renovate my writing skills, if you will. When, i start coll, I’ll def take creative writing for one semester. I’m sure my fellow classmates and lecturer will be able to tell me exactly how good / bad I am. I’ll keep everyone posted until I finally get a review by those fore mentioned. So stay tuned k? .. Check back evry few weeks .. Anyway, its 12.59 AM, June 27, 2007 (Wednesday) while I’m writing this. Couldn’t get online so I just wrote this in Microsoft Word first. What can I say, I sumtimes get an uncontrollable urge to write. PS : I would really appreciate it if maybe a few of you readers cld leave a comment, maybe containing pointers and tips on how I make your reading of my blog a lot more enjoyable? Compliments and criticism welcome. Thanks ..

Fear ..

Everybody's afraid of sumting. Some ppl have petty fears .. like fears of >arachnids (spiders and stuff ) > cockroaches > nuts > bees > being single for more than 6 mths. But, are these fears really so petty?.. > thr ARE like a dozen species of poisonous spiders > cockroaches r freaky cos they will likely be d onli ting dat can survive a nuclear holocaust > lotsa ppl r allergic to nuts n die cos they didnt knw > more ppl die of bee stings than shark attacks > sum ppl r really alone like ppl orphaned at a young age and need companionship.. So. I'm saying, dun underestimate others n respect them less if they show fear. Fear is wat makes us human, its an instinct .. like hunger and thirst. I'm just thinkin all of this cos, Im afraid of leavin this aug. I knw its a great opportunity and i cant b more relieved dat i got the scholarship, but im afraid..i'll go thr and be all alone...dat sumting mite happen bak home to my grandad..dat my sis or bro need me for sumting personal.. I just have a lot of doubts and fears rite now..cant sleep at nite..so im leaning a lot on my frens..they've been great just lending me an ear (or two)..but at d same time i hve this facade..acting brave and confident..so my parents, grandad, siblings and frens wont worry.. I tink..a courages person is not someone who has no fears..but someone who succesfully hides his/her fears to give strength to others.. PS : A special msg to a certain sumone..don't b afraid of not being accepted by people..u keep trying to hard to impress ppl.. and they're not impressed..cos the way u act and speak..its actually driving ppl away from you..pls..change..for ur benefit..good luck..

The Beginning ...

Well .. The sun's rising on my life as an adult .. and setting on my life as a teenager. I've grown and matured thru good and bad experiences. Truthfully, I think i've developed more this past 2 mths compared to the past 2 yrs. I used to have a blog on frenster .. but i haven't posted anything for awhile and when i look back in retrospection .. i see thru my words as being childish and narrow minded. So, i decided to start anew .. I'll be recording my life as a teen beginning from now, on this blog. Don't worry, I won't delete my ex-posts on frenster and evryone is welcome to peruse it .. those posts will always be compared to the newer me .. just to remind me never to be infantile again. The important stuff that has happened to me that deserves mention : 1. Finally realising how pointless and low it is to curse and swear. Peer pressure played a part, but its no point blaming others for your incapability to control yourself. I'm proud to say I don't use such obscenities as frequently. Words still slip out when I'm enraged and such. Thus, my next mission is to be less emotional. 2. Finding a true friend who has stuck by me. Eva Yap, thanks for being there, for making me laugh when I really needed to, for spending time listening to my aimless rants and for never rolling your eyes when you didn't understand me. 3. Realising that having grudges will just shorten your life. Forgiveness will truly set you free. Charlotte Gan, I never said it in public, so now I am : I'm sorry. 4. Ah Tai passed away last yr (2006) she was 92 I think. I went to KAC even though she was weak. The very nxt day after i came back from camp, I went to visit her at my granparents' plc. I was tired so i went to my cuz's room to nap. less than 2 hours later, they woke me up and told me .. she was gone. She was my great-granma ( dad's grandmother ). I guess she wanted to see me one last time. I will forever remember her, as will all the people in my extended-extended family. May she rest in peace. That was a really confusing time for me .. due to an aspect that I cant discuss publicly .. yet .. I was slapped with the reality of immortality. people you love will leave you .. so cherish them while they're here instead of mourning them when they're gone. Things that have happened to me these past 2 mths : 1. I went to KAC again. My family was supposed to go up to penang. They were gonna pick me up from the campsite on the way. On the last night of camp, mom called. She said kong kong is admitted in hospital. My grandad ( mom's father ) has never been admitted into hospital. before he was admitted, he cld carry rocks and flower pots that i couldn't even move an inch. So, i was shocked, and mom refused to tell me what happened. I broke down when unc. jimmy asked me why mom called. If you all ( Unc. Jimmy, Unc. Alan, Abel Kor Kor, Jeen Yi, Foo Weng ) are reading this. Thanks again for all your support and prayers. Anyway, kong kong's home now, he's kinda an invalid but we're hoping he'll soon be stronger. e's goin for physiotherapy and stuff. Mom's struggling, so I quit my job so i cld help her cope for now. 2. I was told I got my scholarship to the States. So, I'm basically gonna be alone miles and miles away from home, family, frens .. mamak .. =P I have to buck up and think more, plan more, help more .. This is a really long 1st post. So, I think i'll just sign off now .. Oh.. and Happy Father's Day to all !